*Unquestionably NWS* Funny pics/vids/avartar thread 56K!! *NWS*
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Purple Monster
New Cordia Hack
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2009
- Messages
- 24
A blonde has a reasonably big car accident and is knocked out, as she begins to come to the paramedics arrives.
One of the paramedics sides up to her and says "Hi there, how many fingers have i got up"? to which the blonde replys "Oh god, i'm paraplegic too?!?"
hahaha
brightened my day
One of the paramedics sides up to her and says "Hi there, how many fingers have i got up"? to which the blonde replys "Oh god, i'm paraplegic too?!?"
hahaha
brightened my day
brettu26
NZJDM'er
Purple Monster said:
ROFL hahaha:lol: love it
marinetowing
Member
WOMAN'S DIARY
28 July 2007 Saturday
Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely.
I'd been shopping in the afternoon with the girls and was a bit late meeting him, thought it might be that.
The bar was really crowded and loud, so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk.
He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we went somewhere nice to eat.
All through dinner he just didn't seem himself - he hardly laughed and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying,
I just knew that something was wrong.
He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in,
He hesitated but followed.
I asked him what was wrong, but he just half shook his head and turned the television on.
After about ten minutes of silence I said that I was going upstairs to bed, I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply,
He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile.
He didn't follow me up immediately but came up later and, to my surprise, we
made love - but he still seemed distant and a bit cold.
I cried myself to sleep - I think he's planning to leave me - maybe he's found someone else.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
MAN'S DIARY:
Saturday 28 July
Australia lost the cricket.
Gutted.
Got a root though.
28 July 2007 Saturday
Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely.
I'd been shopping in the afternoon with the girls and was a bit late meeting him, thought it might be that.
The bar was really crowded and loud, so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk.
He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we went somewhere nice to eat.
All through dinner he just didn't seem himself - he hardly laughed and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying,
I just knew that something was wrong.
He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in,
He hesitated but followed.
I asked him what was wrong, but he just half shook his head and turned the television on.
After about ten minutes of silence I said that I was going upstairs to bed, I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply,
He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile.
He didn't follow me up immediately but came up later and, to my surprise, we
made love - but he still seemed distant and a bit cold.
I cried myself to sleep - I think he's planning to leave me - maybe he's found someone else.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
MAN'S DIARY:
Saturday 28 July
Australia lost the cricket.
Gutted.
Got a root though.
JC evo1
Well-Known Member
hahahaha best one ive heard in ages
1000hp+?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDilD3wAxt8
pretty random, but i've felt like doing that a few times.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDilD3wAxt8
pretty random, but i've felt like doing that a few times.
ONPSI
10 second monster
moral of the story..don't tailgate boost up and overtake hell yeah!
Purple Monster
New Cordia Hack
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2009
- Messages
- 24
marinetowing said:
HAHAHAHAHAHA love it! (Y)
only problem is lately there's been alotta losen and bugger all rooten.
can't be good for a man haha
CLuTZ
Diamonds are forever....
GVR40
Passion Fingers
rofl, thats awesome dre
ONPSI
10 second monster
Awesome...
nothing like some good fart jokes ay?
I went to Bunnings recently while not being altogether sure that course of
action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and
consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to s**t
yourself' road-kill chilli. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being
painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it,
the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off.
Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of
coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No 'Watson's
Movement 2'. Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my
intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony
referred to by my dear wife as 'thunder and lightning'.
Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I
bravely set off for Bunnings, my quest being paint and supplies to refinish
the den. Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a
cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't
until I was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms that the
pain hit me.
Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm
referring to that 'Uh, Oh, Shit, gotta go' pain that always seems to hit us
at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different. The habaneras in
the chilli from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for
freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their
way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the
direction of the restrooms which would bring sweet relief, it happened. The
peppers fired a warning shot.
There I stood, alone in the paint and stain section, suddenly enveloped in
a noxious cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was
afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me.
Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my
body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as a red aproned
clerk turned the corner and asked if I needed any help.
I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what his reaction
would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate.. Have you
ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean,
and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate. I could've
warned that poor clerk, but didn't. I simply watched as he walked into an
invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all
he could do before gathering his senses and running, was to stand there
blinking and waving his arms about his head as though trying to ward off
angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh.
.........BIG mistake!!!!!
Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things 'clamped down',
if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst
forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later
told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was
robbing the store and firing off a shotgun. Suddenly things were no longer
funny. 'It' was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the
restrooms, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it
before the grand mal assplosion took place.
Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began
the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my ass
is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the
middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe'. He made a gagging
sound, and disgustedly said, 'Son-of-a-bitch!, did it smell that bad when
you ate it?', then quickly left.
Once finished and I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled
cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee
approached me and said, 'Sir, you might want to step outside for a few
minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The
manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which
ought to take care of the problem.'
My smirking of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape
me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover
his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, 'IT'S YOU!',
then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was
unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to
return.
Home again without my supplies, I realized that there was nothing to eat
but leftover chilli, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to
shop at Home Hardware. I can't say anymore about that because we are in
court over the whole matter.
Bastards claim they're going to have to repaint the store.
I went to Bunnings recently while not being altogether sure that course of
action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and
consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to s**t
yourself' road-kill chilli. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being
painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it,
the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off.
Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of
coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No 'Watson's
Movement 2'. Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my
intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony
referred to by my dear wife as 'thunder and lightning'.
Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I
bravely set off for Bunnings, my quest being paint and supplies to refinish
the den. Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a
cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't
until I was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms that the
pain hit me.
Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm
referring to that 'Uh, Oh, Shit, gotta go' pain that always seems to hit us
at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different. The habaneras in
the chilli from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for
freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their
way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the
direction of the restrooms which would bring sweet relief, it happened. The
peppers fired a warning shot.
There I stood, alone in the paint and stain section, suddenly enveloped in
a noxious cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was
afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me.
Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my
body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as a red aproned
clerk turned the corner and asked if I needed any help.
I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what his reaction
would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate.. Have you
ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean,
and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate. I could've
warned that poor clerk, but didn't. I simply watched as he walked into an
invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all
he could do before gathering his senses and running, was to stand there
blinking and waving his arms about his head as though trying to ward off
angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh.
.........BIG mistake!!!!!
Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things 'clamped down',
if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst
forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later
told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was
robbing the store and firing off a shotgun. Suddenly things were no longer
funny. 'It' was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the
restrooms, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it
before the grand mal assplosion took place.
Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began
the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my ass
is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the
middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe'. He made a gagging
sound, and disgustedly said, 'Son-of-a-bitch!, did it smell that bad when
you ate it?', then quickly left.
Once finished and I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled
cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee
approached me and said, 'Sir, you might want to step outside for a few
minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The
manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which
ought to take care of the problem.'
My smirking of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape
me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover
his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, 'IT'S YOU!',
then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was
unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to
return.
Home again without my supplies, I realized that there was nothing to eat
but leftover chilli, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to
shop at Home Hardware. I can't say anymore about that because we are in
court over the whole matter.
Bastards claim they're going to have to repaint the store.
