92 replies to this topic

[jack be nimble]

Not bad geo. Seems I have too many teeth to drag race. Better start early on the rum and try socializing after

[Geo&Kez]

Son:"Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?"

 

Father: "Sure son. What's the question?"

 

Son: "What is politics?"

 

Father: "Well, let's take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me "Capitalism". Your mother is the administrator of money, so we'll call her "Government". We take care of your needs, so we'll call you "The People". We'll call the maid "The Working Class", and your baby brother we can call "The Future".

"Do you understand, Son?"

 

Son: "I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it".

 

That night, awakened by his baby brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parent's room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep.

 

The next morning he reported to his father. "Dad, now I think I understand what politics is".

 

Father: "Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?"

 

Son: "Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of s#it".

[evo-gsr]

Lol ^

[p055um5]

After a tiring day, at the office I  settled down in a seat of the express train for the trip home and closed my eyes.  As the train rolled out of the station, a woman sitting next to me pulled out her cell phone.

 

She started talking in a loud voice:

 

"Hi sweetheart.  It's Sue. I'm on the train".

"Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting". 

"No, honey, not with that Kevin from the accounting office.  It was with the boss". 
"No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life".

"Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart!"
 
Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly. 

When the I had enough, i leaned over and said into the phone,

"Sue, hang up the phone and come back to bed."
 
I bet she does not do that again.

 

 

 

 

[p055um5]

"Life is like a penis - simple, relaxed and hanging free . . ..
it's women who make it hard."

[penngwyne]

Old but not dead

 

Says to young blonde in bar

 

" I can tell when you were born by feeling your breasts"

"Really??

"Yes really"

"OK show me"

 

After about thirty or forty seconds of feeling and gentle squeezing etc

 

"OK that's long enough, tell me when I was born"

 

 

 

"Yesterday"

[penngwyne]

Ugly fat woman comes up behind me in a bar and squeezes my bum

 

"You look pretty fit. Got a phone number?"

 

Me "Have you got a pen?"

 

"Yes"

 

"Better get back in before the farmer misses you"

 

I only got 4 stitches

 

 

 

(I can't believe I posted that. You guys are a baaad influence)

Edited by penngwyne, 26 February 2016 - 12:55 PM.

[penngwyne]

Short version of a long joke.

 

There are about 30 million people (or more) in New Delhi

 

Rich man decides to organise a fun run in aid of charity, gets 250 thousand expressions of interest.
The police can't control such a large crowd and refuse him permission
 

Tries again specifying all interested people must be male and have only one testicle
Gets 125 thousand expressions of interest and is again refused permission for the same reason

 

Tries again specifying all entrants must be male and have no testicles

This time only gets 500 entrants. The police are happy and grant him a permit.

 

Comes the great day and the rich man looks down on the 500 and, as it was his idea after all, gets the starters gun.

 

On your marks,  get set,  BANG and off they go

 

The running of the very first Indian Knackerless 500

[White Knight]

Oh God.....
Whats the difference between Necrophilia and Date rape?
The court told me it was about 2 minutes.

[T1nkTwinkke]

What's the difference between a dead baby and a Ferrari?

 

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

[BMGTZ]

What's the difference between a dead baby and a Ferrari?

 

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

weirdo!???

[evo-gsr]

Solid intro post for a newbie....should fit right in.

[BYBY5L]

Hahaha, one way to make an entrance, very fucked up.... but for some reason I like it