Sounds like you have a problem, i have learnt heaps from the dsm link forums in relation to the stock ecu.
you can pretty much rule out the O2 sensor as being the issue, our ECU's will "lock" into open loop if it doesn't see a cycle from the O2 sensor in 300 seconds, eg, from 0.2volts to 0.8volts.
Chase, 12.5:1 under load is quite lean, not overly dangerous, but not "safe" there are other factors that you have to consider, ... air temps, octane rating on the fuel, timing, and why it's running lean.
AFM could be stuffed, vac leak, which will most likely become a boost leak (on boost) but these conditions "should" make it richer as the AFM should report all of the "lost" air to the ECU and the ecu should add fuel for the correct mixture.... making it rich, as there was less air then the afm said.
glowing turbo without load does sound scary though, can you replicate the issue by idling from cold start, or is it only when being driven, how quickly does it stop glowing when you pull over.
I know that when i get my turbo hot, if i get out to have a look, i can watch the colour dissapear in seconds, it's still extreemly hot, however it's not glowing.